Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
