Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
