He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
