pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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