Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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