I am in a vortex of obligation.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
