I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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