Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
