You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
