haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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