sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
