Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
