Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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