she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize