I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Welp...herpes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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