I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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