i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
