Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
