who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
where am i from again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
