she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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