Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
