Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
