What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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