You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
