i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
