Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
