The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
