Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.

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(541): View more from Oregon

His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

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(805): View more from California

found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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(727): View more from Florida

I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?

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(440): View more from Ohio

Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here

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(775): View more from Nevada

maybe i should limp back to therapy...

(1-775): View more from Nevada

oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof

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