No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
