Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
