i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
