Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
