i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
