I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
