I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
