this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
