I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
