I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
