fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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