Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
