Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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