You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize