we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
