Cold hands, warm shart.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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