Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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