i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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