my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
