Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
