Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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