oh god the rape fog is back!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
