What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
