i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize