I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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