Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
