She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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