the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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