wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
